February is a bad month for me.

February is a bad month for me. I was born in February and every year I feel so depressed. I am happy that I am not dead, but I spend most of my time wondering what purpose I am serving. I have not spent any time crocheting or knitting the entire month. I have spent time reading. I have read The Itch, by Benilde Little and I am reading Who Does She Think She Is? by Benilde Little since my last post. A lot has happened since my last post. A very dear friend of my had what I think was a stroke. This was very upsetting because less than two hours before this we were together and did not seem to have any problems. I get a call from my daughter and she told me I needed to go to the hospital. Life is a fragile thing. I need to knit or crochet. If I could push myself to knit or crochet I think I would feel better. It is very hard to do the things you enjoy when you feel like your very life is being sucked away almost seven days a week. My mother and I went to Costco and Harris Teeter this weekend. I love both stores. I paid a visit to Borders too. The Borders in Greensboro is closing. When the store closes the closes store to me will be in Winston Salem. I brought the book Sock Yarn One-Skein Wonders. I feel so sad that at 47 I am not in a better place. I feel bad that I don't know how to move into a better place and be satisfied with my life. I still can't help but wonder how things would have been for me if I had been born smart enough to go to college. I got rid of my gray today. I put a semi permanent dye on my hair. I am trying to go natural and I am afraid to go ahead and do the big chop. This means cut all the relaxed hair out and just leave the natural unrelaxed hair. My plan is to make myself knit or crochet next week. I need out of this funk.